January 1st 1884

Excellent day. Sunshine and mild, with slight frost, which has been for the past week. During the last fortnight I have been attended by the doctor. I knew tossings to and fro till morning, being scared by dreams and terrified by night visions, afraid to attempt to sleep, filled with fear and confusion, and could do nothing but groan and roar, but had no bodily pain. However, I never realised my entire dependence upon the Most High for every thought, and breath, and comfort as I did during these days. May the impression remain, and may there be fruit unto holiness that He may be glorified. While thus tempted and tossed I have had the sympathy of many friends who called and brought presents of fruit, game, &c., and if I could believe these things were the fruits of grace, they would be refreshing. While reading this night the diary of the Rev. James Calder, of Croy, I was truly ashamed by his abounding fruit. How diligent he was in keeping the heart, and how he felt when out of a right frame of spirit, the time he set apart for secret devotion, his concern for sinners dying in ignorance of God, and his devotion to his own house and family. O what a father, and how the Almighty wrought so much in and through him! O to be a sanctified vessel meet for the Master's use! I think every minister should read such a book. It might be the means of stirring them up. He did not spend the New Year in lightness and frivolity. May I not forget what I have read of the true exercises of one whose chief end was to glorify and enjoy God.